Sudhish Kamath's Pad On The Net

Chatur Singh Two Star: The Murder of Inspector Clouseau

Genre: Torture

Director: Ajay Chandhok

Cast: Sanjay Dutt, Ameesha Patel, Gulshan Grover, Anupam Kher

Storyline: A bumbling Inspector must solve a crime and find lost diamonds despite his epic stupidity

Bottomline: The film is a lot stupider than its hero and unfunny to the point of torture

Peter Sellers would regret he ever played something that inspired this. Steve Martin may just shoot himself. Sanjay Dutt, for the good of his own health, should never watch this when he’s sober. And Anupam Kher, we hope made a lot of money to sell his soul like this.

This insanely asinine adaptation of The Pink Panther is an insult to the franchise, one best avoided in loving memory of Inspector Clouseau. Sanjay Dutt is like a fish out of water, served roasted on a plate with chips on the side, completely exposed and burnt. His limited range never quite picks up the right vibe for the role, the hideous wig and the pencil-thin moustache making his face look worse than he’s ever looked all his life.

And there’s poor Ameesha Patel, ambitiously entrusted with comedy, not quite finding her feet, looking lost like a mermaid in the woods. Even her plunging neckline fails to distract your attention from her complete lack of comic flair while Gulshan Grover should consider himself lucky to be killed off halfway into this disaster.

Chatur Singh Two Star has absolutely no redeeming quality, not a single gag good enough to make you smile (unless you will settle for Sanjay Dutt trying on baby clothes in the trial room). It takes phenomenal talent to pull off half jokes and poor jokes.  Given the absence of talent or half-decent jokes, the laboured attempts at humour result in a film that even Ed Wood would call dead wood.

The travesty of such bad writing is to be seen to be believed but please, trust the survivor who made it out alive. Take his word and skip this ticket to trauma. If you ever catch a glimpse on TV, make sure you have a remote to change channels or the reflexes to pull the plug, especially if you are a Clouseau fan.

P.S: This review has a lot more jokes than the film. Should you feel the need to still buy a ticket to the film, please also consider sending this writer a cheque as well, dear Chatur Singh. Two stars? Hello! They both can’t act.

This review originally appeared here.

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