Genre: Drama
Director: Madhur Bhandarkar
Cast: Neil Nitin Mukesh, Mughda Godse, Manoj Bajpayee, Atul Kulkarni
Storyline: A young man wrongly sent to prison learns to cope and survive
Bottomline: No bottoms were harmed in the film. Many in the screening though.
The Bhandarkar formula continues, this time with surprisingly less
perversion than usual. Yes, though it is a relief to watch a Madhur
Bhandarkar film set in prison without a sequence where the hero
unwittingly drops the soap and loses his er… innocence of course,
there’s nothing in it that you already didn’t know.
Another newcomer enters the world of *insert name of film* and learns about its workings, its ugly side involving stereotypes involved in assorted perversions you have heard about, struggles to cope with the system and finally learns to survive in the environment. The protagonist loses more than he gains before he finds his peace in life or death.
Since I am tired of repeating what I have to say for every Bhandarkar film, here’s a wholesale review of some of the films we can expect from him in the future.
Bathroom: An illiterate unemployed youth/abandoned old man takes up the job of a janitor in a multiplex/five-star hotel and slowly gets a ringside view of the dirty, stinking underbelly of deprivation and perversion beneath all that gloss and sheen. Someone’s got to clean the system but what if the function of the system itself is to be soiled. A system whose destiny is to be used and abused by the rich, the frustrated and the constipated. How long can our protagonist take it before events reach a flush-point?
Bollywood: I spy an autobiography here. A struggling filmmaker comes to Mumbai with hopes of making realistic films on the lives of strugglers. He ends up replacing one formula with another and
surrenders to the workings of the big bad world of showbiz. Soon, he’s accused of deploying casting couches, waits for the matter to die down before making another hypocritical film replete with racist stereotypes. In Jail, we learn that for every nine Muslim criminals who will not reform, there is one kind-hearted Muslim murderer!
Gym: A married couple, a thin man and a fat woman join a gym to look good and save their marriage. Soon, he starts pumping iron, aspires for a six-pack while she strives for a size zero figure. She has an affair with the gym instructor and he realises he was gay all along. They both become drug addicts, take to steroids, become super-model good-looking and lose their morals. The guy dies because of drug overdose and side-effects and the woman battles her demons at the rehab only to end up fatter than before. She decides to go for liposuction and enters Hospital – The sequel to Gym.
Post Office: An old postman shunted to a desk job a decade ago now licks stamps for a living. He suffers from withdrawal symptoms when stamps that need to be licked are replaced with computerised systems that generate stickers. Nobody can relate to him anymore. He hopelessly watches young couples foreplay over SMS, have sex over the phone and he’s heart-broken when he catches his wife cheat on him over a video-chat. His longing for touch and feel of the brick and mortar world culminates in frustration when he strangles his wife with his bare hands after breaking a brick over her head. On her death, all their relatives get a telegram. Killed Wife. Stop. Killing Myself. Stop. Save Post. Stop. Email. Stop.
Cemetry: A grave-digger is on the verge of a personal landmark. He has performed the final rites for 24,999 dead people when the system calls for his retirement, insisting his services are no longer required because of his age. The world around has changed. The cemetery is to give way to a shopping mall. The man is shattered for he has had a lifelong relationship with a ghost – a girl who keeps him company until late in the night. So digs a grave and arranges to bury himself and unite with his lover. The film ends with a shot of the epitaph: You can take my life away from me. But you can’t take my spirit. Ab Tak Pachees. RIP.
29 Comments
November 11, 2009 at 6:00 pm
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by TheComicProject and Sudhish Kamath, Cherian Tinu Abraham. Cherian Tinu Abraham said: Does my new DP qualify to promote the film ?
RT @Suderbuzz: Just posted my Jail review on my blog http://bit.ly/jailreview [...]
November 11, 2009 at 6:01 pm
November 12, 2009 at 11:53 am
some scenes good tht he removed it…
November 11, 2009 at 6:09 pm
My personal favourite – Gym!!
But you forgot “Cutting room” – Guy dreams of winning nobel prize for literature, and starts by sending little letters to editors of Chandamama and Champak. Soon, he grows up and joins a newspaper which has a film column. He asks for big stories but his editor is bored with him and throws him in the small room called “Cutting room” with a TV and a DVD player, where he watches movies and starts writing the funniest, irreverent reviews with inspiration from the world he sees from the little keyhole (including all those late night office shenanginans).
His story ends with the line: “Nobel, I wanted you badly, but not since October 9 2009. Oscars, here I come”
I know, it’s nowhere close to being funny, but
GREAT review!!
November 11, 2009 at 6:10 pm
Hahaha! Awesome! You had better copyright those script ideas because Bhandarkar is going to make every one of them!
November 11, 2009 at 6:11 pm
… add to the list:
An aging blogger unable to copmpete with Twitter finally realizes…..
November 11, 2009 at 6:12 pm
Social comments and analytics for this post…
This post was mentioned on Twitter by Suderbuzz: Just posted my Jail review on my blog http://bit.ly/jailreview...
November 11, 2009 at 6:14 pm
Will really like to see Post Office being made, with tag line: “End of an ERA.” Will be a hit in USA, many people would have forgotten how the old system of post works
and some will get nostalgic while others will find it so full of adventure! An insight in bygone era!
November 11, 2009 at 6:22 pm
Brilliant!
“You can take my life away from me. But you can’t take my spirit. Ab Tak Pachees. RIP.” <- winner!
November 11, 2009 at 6:28 pm
Lol awesome stuff
November 11, 2009 at 8:52 pm
ha ha
my vote goes to GYM that looks more like madhur bandharkar film with GAY ka tadka…
November 11, 2009 at 9:04 pm
He is like the wannabe Arthur Hailey of movies…..
November 11, 2009 at 9:32 pm
Lol… really good mainly because most reviews in the net were without spine in praising this film and calling Bhandarkar an undeniable genius…
Thank u suderman…
November 11, 2009 at 9:44 pm
Hmmm.. I was planning to watch the movie but dont think so now… Cool sudish. Rock on!!! waiting to read it day after tomo..:)
November 11, 2009 at 9:49 pm
ha ha …. and not to forget the grand finale and the all time low – below basement 500 for the protagonist in the interval block
– like a steep rise in the graph and sudden fall and then again steep rise to reach the end marking the symbol ‘M’ – Madhu in his films – now thts called director’s stamp – ha u ppl are wondering it would make only ‘N’ rite – the post steep fall is for the audience everytime 
.. lol
November 11, 2009 at 9:51 pm
COOL.. good review. As usual Sudish Kamath at his best.. Rock on Sudish!!!!
November 11, 2009 at 10:54 pm
LOL! Great review. Mark my words! Bhandarkar is going to make Gym. He might even sue you right away saying he had the idea all along!
November 11, 2009 at 11:05 pm
Hilarious!! Too good.
November 12, 2009 at 12:35 am
Hmmm. Some interesting read, Gym n Cemetery especially.
November 12, 2009 at 12:32 pm
AMAZING.. the typical sudhish style review which we all love!
I also feel GYM was the best.. Would love to read more abt its sequel, HOSPITAL
November 12, 2009 at 12:45 pm
Or Blogger.
The story of a young man who decided to put some of his thoughts online, but from the start where he had to make that torturous choice between blogger and wordpress his journey takes us through a dark, haunting world full of spam comments, posts with zero views, writer’s blocks and trolls..
November 12, 2009 at 10:37 pm
Add this to fave review of 2009
November 12, 2009 at 11:05 pm
Ha ha ha ha!!
. So true man. When I watched Fashion i was like ‘Saala, background music ke alawa aur kuch nahi badla’ 
.
I think Bhandarkar should probably take a leaf from K Jo’s book
Here’s my contribution!!
College: A young boy fresh out of school, joins one of the top engineering (ewwww) colleges in the country. Is aghast at how no one seems to actually study but does everything else except get an education. slowly falls prey, becomes a drug addict and alcoholic and from star student goes to the bottom of the class. to complicate things also falls in love and his gf leaves him. disillusioned goes to the top of LIC building to commit suicide, sees what an architectural marvel it is and decides that this is why he wanted to engineering in the first place. and joins rehab and reforms and return to engineering and learns to live with all kinds of people.
Office: Errr.. Sequel to above. Young fellow shocked at how people dont work but take more coffee breaks and lunch breaks and do more of tweeting and facebooking and sending forwards than any useful work. wants to change the work place and atmosphere and works 16 hours a day but doesnt get promotion. Co-worker who slept with boss gets it. doesnt get any perks, starts drinking coffee and posting about his woes on anonymous forums on the internet and realises that all he does in office is drinking coffee and talking to strangers on the net. does no work and gets thrown out because of recession. Committs suicide.
Retirement: Sequel to above.. Man looks at all the LIC and life insurance advertisements, thinks retirement is the coolest thing after sliced bread and retires. Goes to his sons place to live, is treated badly (not at all like how they show on TV where the son gives him crutches and grandson tugs at his dhoti), goes to his daughters place who also shooes him away (not at all like the daughters who gift their retired fathers cars on TV). is completely disillusioned and then finally goes to an old age home and learns to live with the depressing and murky retirement life. Ultimately dies.
Some more that I can think of.. Train (young fellow, uses bombay metros, is shocked at the haphazard way it functions, tries to reform, falls on tracks, dies), Bus (same as above), Cricket (young cricketer, wants to join indian cricket team, falls prey to politics, disillusioned, becomes coach ultimately), Hotel (young man wants to run a hotel, starts one, food sucks, place sucks, chefs suck, disillusioned, dies of food poisoning
)
Wheeee!! This is fun and soooo easy. Will post as and when I think of more Bhandarkar movies!!
November 12, 2009 at 11:29 pm
LIBRARY – The real story behind the government’s choice of book acquisitions; one young self-published writer’s struggle to get her work into some library, ANY library, and the compromises she must make; one young man’s battle to overcome his overdue fines, in the midst of underground mobsters who work to keep the fines alive to fund their black market library; GAY library clerks – oh my! – and a philosophical exploration on what, ultimately, it means to have access to information.
November 13, 2009 at 12:40 am
The tagline to LIBRARY would of course be “You will never again judge a book by its cover…”
November 13, 2009 at 11:55 am
awesome!
November 13, 2009 at 6:35 pm
Shopping Mall:
Veti + rich college boy roams around with his good for nothing(GFN) friends in a swanky shopping mall all day. Meets equally GFN gal there and falls in love. keeps going to mall to meet girl everyday and ends up binging full time while she shops non stop with his money. Then he flunks in all subjects and becomes obese cuz of too much eating, becomes a glutton n refuses to pay for the girl’s shopping (meanie!) cuz he needs the money to hog full time . Obviously the GFN girlfriend ditches him. In the climax, a) he dies eating (err.. if that’s possible. Bhandarkar might just make it happen, who knows?) b) (If our director is in the mood for happy-but-not-so-happy endings) understands that money is the root cause of all evil, renounces the high life, moves out of home, works part time and pays for his education.
Bleddy easy, I say!!
November 19, 2009 at 9:55 pm
Good one…. your reviews are more entertaining than the movies…!!
Yeah… Mr.Bhandarkar has become too repetitive with his storyline… Atleast you have let it out… while all others are blindly showering their praises jus becos he made “Page3″ many years back…
May 18, 2010 at 7:25 pm
Cool! really enjoyed.
Software- A talented geek enters a reputed MNC and see that all they are doing is piracy. He first decides to write his own codes but they are discarded by his boss and he’s about to be thrown out. Then he starts attatching his codes to other programs and becomes millionaire. With the help of another software he records boss having sex with a junior. Wehshi darinda Boss thrown out and criticized in media and he is made the boss.
Canvas- An artist paints the best picture, but due to market politics he could not sell it. Being a broke he starts doing small robberies.
After he perfected the art of breaking in small shops, he breaks into a reputed exhibition of a dumb famous artist and installs his own
masterpiece. His painting is sold for millions. He becomes famous, media sensation. But police nabs him for the robberies. Will our artists
get the position they desrve?